Presents or Presence?

’Tis the Season for Presents or Presence

Is the question “Presents” or “Presence”?

A family member asked us yesterday whether we were open to limiting our Christmas spending for presents. When she mentioned the exact amount that would not hurt her financially, I jumped at the opportunity.

My theory for years has been that it’s the moments together that are the present. The real present isn’t wrapped in paper or stuffed under a tree. It’s the experiences shared with the people we care about.

Being together should matter, not one present exchanged for another one, hopefully of equal value. At this moment, the gift of time with family and friends is the real present. When we remember that, pressure fades. We stop performing love and start living it.

Purchasing Presents Under Duress

Recently, I heard a woman grumble that, as the Christmas holiday season approaches, a quiet, subtle, direct pressure to purchase gifts builds.

Mainstream advertisements directed at adults and kids, social media feeds, and even well-meaning traditions send the same message: Buy now! Love is measured by what you buy and how much you pay.

Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Deals & Steals, Buyers Beware

Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Deals & Steals, and many more techniques exist for one core reason: to push people to buy presents, and to drive you, the consumer, to spend your hard-earned cash.

They are marketing events designed to stimulate massive sales volume in a short window of time, benefiting retailers and, in theory, offering shoppers discounts. But their purposes run deeper:

Black Friday

The name “Black Friday” comes from the idea of elevating a business’s books “out of the red and into the black.”

This event marks the unofficial start of the holiday shopping season. For retailers, the surge in purchases can account for a significant portion of their annual profits.

Today is the day! Get out and shop! Hurry! Be first in line!

People drive for hours to get in line fifteen hours before the store opens, for a twenty-dollar discount. Is this all a ruse to draw you in, make you feel like you won? Jeez!

Many people try to keep pace with friends, coworkers, or family expectations, and end up stretching their budgets or sinking into debt to present a gift that feels “good enough.”

Psychological Urgency and Competition

Flash sales, limited quantities, and countdown clocks crafted to trigger urgency and impulse buying, push shoppers to act fast and buy more than planned.

Over time, Black Friday has shaped consumer behavior, training people to wait for deals, shop during specific windows, and equate gift-giving with discounts. Brands rely on this conditioning to predict and control purchasing patterns.

Cultural Patterns around Giving Presents

The timing, right before the holidays, is intentional. These events align with social pressure to give gifts, allowing retailers to capitalize on the emotional weight of “showing love” through purchases.

Stimulating the Broader Economy

From an overall perspective, Black Friday shopping days increase economic activity, move inventory, and help retailers clear stock before the new year. Governments and markets often view strong Black Friday and Cyber Monday performances as a sign of economic health.

Cyber Monday

Cyber Monday emerged because online retailers needed their own spotlight. Its original purpose was to help online retailers compete with brick-and-mortar stores, level the playing field, and push consumers to embrace online shopping. Now the event dominates the retail landscape.

The Cost We Don’t Talk About

The discounts are real, but the deeper purpose is to ignite urgency: buy it now, before it’s gone. Retailers call it the start of the holiday shopping season, but for many families already stretched thin, it can feel like the start of something else: anxiety.

These events send the message that love is something you prove by buying things, as if the price of a gift reflects the value of a relationship. But for someone already struggling financially, that message doesn’t feel kind or festive; it feels heavy.

Instead of helping, it creates pressure to spend money they don’t have, pushing people deeper into debt just to feel included and loved during the holidays.

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Presents or Presence

But if you strip away the ads, the countdown clocks, and the colorful banners, the truth is much simpler: the holiday itself has always been about presence, not presents. The real gift, with which no sale can compete, is a moment you share, a conversation at the table; connections that don’t require a receipt.

Black Friday and Cyber Monday expertly make us forget this, and turn attention outward, toward carts and coupons. The real joy of the season comes when we turn inward, toward the people we care about.

For someone trying to stay afloat financially, this shift back to the present moment isn’t just comforting; it’s freeing. It removes the pressure to spend money we don’t have.

A Final Note on Presents or Presence

It’s worth saying: the lack of money does not affect everyone, because many, maybe even the majority, don’t have a financial issue; they are doing just fine.

But this article isn’t written for them.

It’s for the people who feel a knot in their stomach when, holding their breath, they hand their credit card to the cashier. It’s for anyone who needs the reminder that price tags don’t measure love, and that the truest gift, the one that never goes on sale, is the moment you offer someone your presence, your time, your kindness, and your warmth. The real Present is worth more than anything wrapped in a box.

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“On to the next page…”

C. K. & Kat DeLeon

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